Every place i’ve started over, every different town, admittedly there’s a bit of initial lonliness. This time proving to be a little different than the others. Trying to adjust to a new year, a new home, a new body all while assuming a new identity as a new mom.
 Sometimes i really can’t even fathom how i got here; can’t picture the exact moment that lead me down this road. I’m not unhappy. I’m not ungreatful. Just in disbelief. 
This time last year was so vastly different.

We began the year pulling ourselves from the wreckage of a near fatal accident that shook me so deeply, so completely to the core. Nearly losing the one person in the world that I could never live with out. Inches from losing everything. It scared me.  Coming face to face with your own mortality can really change the way you look at the world and evaluate just how quickly you need to change your life.  We shouldn’t be here. But yet we are. 

And then not so shortly after came you. A life altering shift in every single sense of the word. 
This is what i dreamed of. This is what imagined for so long.
It is nothing, and everything all at the same time. You saved me. Honestly and truely. You are my fantastic reason for change. 

This time last year you were a just an idea. It feels like just weeks ago we were announcing the pregnancy and trying to figure out what it meant ourselves. What a difference a whole damn year can make. 

Now this year, sprawled infront of me–is a year of firsts. A year of getting to know myself again, to learn to love every mark and scar. A year of getting to know you.. And that’s really all i could ask for. 

 

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